Collateral Damage

Kelly, I present you with the purple heart for your giving your life to the War on Fat. You are in our thoughts. 

Kelly Yeomans (1984 – 28 September 1997) was an English schoolgirl from the Allenton suburb of Derby. Her 1997 suicide, at the age of 13, became widespread news when the cause was blamed on bullying to which she had been subjected by other local children.

In evidence to court, Yeomans was described as a pleasant and friendly girl. However, she was reported to be the victim of repeated harassment and taunting, particularly about her weight. Her parents said that the incessant bullying had left Yeomans feeling miserable. Her mother asserted that she had gone to her daughter’s school, Merrill College,^[1] Shelton Lock, thirty times to complain about the issue, but received no assistance. School officials, however, claimed they had received only one complaint.

Matters came to a head in September, 1997, when a group of youths reportedly gathered at Yeomans’s home on several consecutive nights, on each occasion throwing food at the house and shouting taunts aimed at Yeomans. Her mother later said that the incident prompted Yeomans to tell her family, “It is nothing to do with you Daddy, nothing to do with you Mummy, and nothing to do with you Sarah [her sister]. I have had enough and I’m going to take an overdose.”

The parents said they were worried and sought help for their daughter’s obvious depression, but did not believe she would carry out her threat to take her own life. However, Yeomans was soon found dead in her bedroom after taking an overdose of painkillers.

After they admitted having done so, five youths between the ages of thirteen and seventeen were convicted of intentionally harassing Yeomans in the months leading up to her death. They were sentenced to attendance centre orders. For a time, Yeomans’s death put the issue of child bullies and their victims into the public spotlight.

In his 2003 recording “More Jack than God”, the former Cream bass guitarist Jack Bruce wrote a tribute to her - “Kelly’s Blues”.

-Wikipedia entry on the suicide of Kelly Yeomans

(Source: Wikipedia)

By Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, I hereby award you the Purple Heart in the War On Fat for your bravery and strength. 

I was in 6th grade. I’d already spent some time practicing by wrapping things around my throat to see how it felt. I was tired of being picked on, beat up, having things thrown at me, having no friends, and have boys ask me out just to laugh at me. At home I was called lazy and worthless and fat. 

Just to make it clear, I wasn’t always the fat kid. I was very very thin and then suddenly, for no discernible reason, I gained a lot of weight very rapidly (my doctors now tell me it’s because my body chemistry changed due to the onset of bipolar disorder). I was popular, had lots of friends, had “boyfriends” , was favored by teachers, etc. 

After the weight gain I lost it all. For two years I didn’t have a single friend in school until another fat kid moved to the area. 

I was miserable. No kid that young should deal with the depression and self loathing that I dealt with. I hated myself and I hated my body and I wanted it all to end. One day I just walked into our back yard to the big tree with the swinging rope and tried to hang myself. 

I was unsuccessful, but I would try again about a year later and develop some very self destructive habits. The thing is- I didn’t care about my weight until people began pointing it out to me. I was just a happy kid- running around and playing and having fun. But my peers- classmates and adults alike, took it upon themselves to make me feel like my body was wrong and horrible and disgusting. 

This was almost 20 years ago.. I can’t imagine how much worse it is for fat kids now. 

By Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, I hereby award you the Purple Heart in the War On Fat for your bravery and strength. 

Trigger warnings for: suicidal ideation, rape, abuse

Let me start this rant off by saying I REFUSE to use the word bully. Its a candy fucking coated word to make a serious issue look “not so bad”

I have battled with suicidal thoughts for the majority of my life, and I know as a direct result of the abuse I have recieved. I HATED myself, and I do mean I hated every part of my existence and every part physical and otherwise about myself. I wanted to die, I WISHED i would just die. I tried praying to die.. but I could never do it myself. I was terrified that my funeral would prove me right about how much of a loser I was, that nobody would bother to show up.. but instead throw a party at school for me finally going away. Incidentally I have had that happen, in second grade at a Catholic school, when the nun’s told the student’s I was moving.. they actually cheered. The Sisters had to chastise the class. I became very obsessed with death over the years… vampires, ghosts, reincarnation.. I studied criminal forensics, serial killers, behavioral psychology (i did say I was smart right? Yes I do mean in 5th grade I was reading books written by Robert Ressler, and abnormal psych books). I didn’t even get my first friend until my 6th grade year, and it took her a whole year to accomplish it. I have had all kinds of psych pills, but nothing EVER made the pain stop, or the self-loathing. I was the worst kind of human, ugly. Because we all know our only worth is in our appearances right?

Okay so when i was younger (all the way till my jr yr of high school) I was THIN.. I mean at 5’10” I weighed 98lbs thin. I can’t count you back, but olive oyle thru the years does it perfect justice. But let me tell you I never got abused because of my weight.. no no.. thats just not fucking good enough. starting in SECOND GRADE, I was abused mentally, emotionally and physically by MALE peers because I WAS FUCKING UGLY. That’s right, I was told I should commit suicide, handed bullets to “help me along”, had my arm slammed between 2 desks, chased every recess (they were going to beat me to a pulp chased) I was a dog, woof woof, have some dog food “hands me a fucking can”, I was a horrible human being, had safety pins shoved into my back and into my arms, a monster, how dare I come to school and breathe the same air as them, didn’t i know i should kill myself because nobody will love an ugly girl, and my favorite threat of all that sent me home with nightmares… “I’m going to come into your house tonight, open up your room fan and drop your kitty cats into it, because someone as hideous as you shouldn’t force themselves on an animal.

To top that off, when I reported my abuse, I WAS PUNISHED FOR TATTLING.. EVERY TIME
Thats just a small sampling of the abuse and torture I received from 1st grade on.. because I had the gall to be born with FRECKLES.

Thats just until my jr year when i finally started my period (sorry guys) and gained weight BOOM over night.. 170 with DDD boobs.

Then it was Sexual harassment and Fat abuse YAY!!
milk jugs, triple d, fat bitch, fat cunt, slut, whore, bitch, die, commit suicide (that one seems to be very popular throughout my whole life!), rocks thrown at my face, chased home, pinched, groped, also I was still fucking ugly.. why hadn’t it dawned on me yet?! Nobody would ever love me, blah blah. The list is fucking long.

Now as a fully grown adult who has gone to a lovely 280lbs, I have never had a relationship that wasn’t entirely predicated on them getting sex, I am a recent rape survivor, I can no longer maintain or even attempt to have a romantic relationship, I get physically nauseated at the thought, I have been told I should feel LUCKY I was raped, because nobody could ever love a fattie, still being occasionally told to kill myself, not to leave the house, and all the other lovely types of abuse you get for being fat.

Through ALL OF THAT.. THIS IS ME Yup thats right, Mama Fucking Morton, standing up there with all those georgeous scantily clad thin girls, grabbing my boobs in front of an audience. I am goddamned talented, I win my auditions every time and I have never been in “ensemble” (not that its beneath me)… even parts that REALLY shouldn’t have gone to me Nunsense A-Men.. supposed to be an all male cast, not sure what that means that i beat out men for the part of the Reverend Mother :-|

But even that aside, I can’t post this anywhere else.. because when I try and post how i feel anywhere else.. its WHAT ABOUT THE MENZ?!? As if i don’t have any fucking reason at all to be a little bit pissy, I’ve never dealt with anything, and my life is fucking TRIVIAL compared to their problems. Hell people get pissy at me if i even come close to wanting to inflict real violence upon other people for their abusive behavior. “turn the other cheek”, “Take the higher road”, FUCK YOU, that shit doesn’t work, and the only thing those neadrathals understand is “Might Makes Right”, and also.. makes you look like a wuss in front of your friends, making me feel doubly good. I WILL FIGHT, I WILL stand up for myself and others, and i will take whatever means and precautions necessary to get my point across, even if i have to jam a taser up your nostril.

But you know thats in person far away from my home, and not on the internet where i’m really afraid to speak my mind, because I do not have the hacker skills like some of these people do, who have shown they can go on crazy stalker parades to try and ruin my life, because SHE IS TEH FATZ.

So pardon me when i see posts about “bullies” if i get a little bat shit insane at people trivializing it by calling it “bullying” and not abuse”, or better yet. “We all get it, just ignore it and it will go away” and the rest of that puke worthy shit.

Pardon me, If i feel just the tiniest bit oppressed by men (not to forget the recent laws about my body, and the media making sure that everyone including men will hate every inch of my body no matter what i do

Pardon me for having emotions at all, because we all know women are worthless crazy bitches

Side note.. in 7th grade I once had a psychologist that i actually told what I had been going thru. He told me i needed to think really hard about what I had done to piss them off so much, because there was no way it wasn’t MY fault for the abuse.

TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD I can’t say I accept my body now either, because quite honestly if i was rich.. i would have a gastric bypass.. from the best surgeons.. and a shit ton of plastic surgery. I have never thought I was pretty, and sadly no male has ever confirmed that I was worthy of more than a fuck. I have been and will continue to be single for the rest of my life (tho now by choice). I think I’m cute some days, but the rest I’m just okay with the fact that i will never be pretty, or pretty enough. The best I can do is come to terms with being ugly, and accepting it. And valuing myself for whats inside. Because whats inside is what my chosen family loves about me. They may not be real blood, but I can count myself a bit lucky in the world that i have several best friends, ad we call each other brothers and sisters, and always say “I love you”.

That’s all, that’s it.. this was much more emotional than I anticipated.
Please note I am not sympathy whoring either, I generally don’t share this shit with anyone… But if it gives someone a REAL FUCKING CLUE, then all the better. If it helps to know someone else has been thru the fucking ringer and come out on the other side, well good.